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Soles & Sexuality [PAPERBACK] Understanding Foot Fetishism, Overcoming Stigma
What people with a foot fetish want you to know, and what their partners need to hear
Foot fetishism is one of the most common sexual interests in the world. It is also one of the most joked about, and one of the least understood. Most people who live with it have spent years keeping it to themselves. Many have tried to explain it to a partner and watched the conversation go badly.
This book starts somewhere different: with the people themselves.
As a clinical sexologist, I surveyed adults who identify as having a foot fetish and asked them what nobody else had. What draws them in. How it shapes who they fall for. What it has cost them, and what they wish their partners understood. Their answers were honest, often moving, and frequently at odds with the stereotypes.
Three in four said the foot is not a separate object of desire. It is part of the person they love. More than half said it shapes their romantic attraction, not only their sexual interest. Half described a deep sexual frustration, and many spoke of anxiety, secrecy and the fear of being found out. Most of them were not young. Nearly three quarters were 35 or older, many of them in long relationships, still carrying something they had never said out loud.
Inside the book
You’ll find the full survey findings, explained in plain language and set beside what clinical practice and the wider research tell us. The book looks at why the interest develops and why it can feel so powerful. It also explains how arousal can become linked to one particular cue, and what can be done when that starts to crowd out other kinds of touch.
A large part of the book is written for couples. It covers how to raise the subject without shame and how to respond when a partner shares it with you. It also shows how to find a place for it in a sex life that works for both of you. There are practical exercises, conversation guides and the words clients have told me finally helped.
The book takes the hard parts seriously too: the frustration, the hiding, the low mood that can come from feeling like something is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. But carrying it alone can make things heavier than they need to be.
Who this book is for
People who have the interest. You’ll find yourself in these pages, often for the first time.
Partners. If someone you love has just told you, or if you have known for years and still feel unsure, this book will help you make sense of it.
Professionals. Therapists, coaches and clinicians will find evidence and practical guidance they can use with clients.
About the author
Claude Fourie is a clinical sexologist and intimacy coach, trained by pioneers of sexology in the United States. He works online with individuals and couples, and is the founder of Rekindle Intimacy. The research behind this book was presented at the SASHA conference.
